Last Post

Yes my friends, you read the title of this post correctly.  I am signing off from this blog.  I’m not leaving the world of blogging I’m just changing my direction in the new year.  I’ve recently started a new website pertaining to the writing career I am trying to start and feel I need to focus more of my writing time towards making my dream of becoming an author happen instead of pointlessly pounding out words on this blog.  As you have probably also noticed, I haven’t done the best of jobs keeping a fresh stream of posts flowing and this is another reason for me to change gears.

So if you want to continue following my progress as a writer and to see if I will ever achieve the goal I have set out of writing a novel, please feel free to head over to www.jeremyharbottle.com.  If we make a connection now, in a few years after I’ve made it big as the next great author, you can tell people you knew me when I was still trying to find myself as a writer.

I am glad to have had the few followers I have had and appreciate the feedback I have gotten from so many.  Hopefully we can continue our relationship and you will join me on my journey to become part of the literary world.

Thanks,

Jeremy

Letter Writing

One thing I have been missing lately is letter writing.  I didn’t do much of it when I was younger and I never do it now, but I am thinking about starting.  To me letter writing is more intimate and genuine.  There’s something that brings the emotions of the person who wrote the letter off the page and into the reader’s mind and body, more than when you’re sitting in front of a monitor, scrolling through an e-mail wondering why they wrote so much.  With a letter you know the person cares about the content and the receiver of the letter because they took the time to write out their thoughts and used penmanship easily legible instead of just sitting in front of their laptop banging on the keys until a rough form of what they are trying to say is flashing in front of them.

I’m not picking up the torch to carry the light of letter writing, I’m just thinking about taking the time to create hand written letters to those I truly do care about to show them what they mean to me.  Sure I can do it in an e-mail and of course it’s always better to hear the words from those close to you, but sometimes knowing the person took the time to grab the needed utensils to construct a letter makes a person feel that much more loved.

Another thing about writing letters is how great of a tool it is for writers to work out kinks in their stories by sharing what is frustrating them in the pieces they are working on.  Many of the great writers of the past have used letter writing to answer their questions they had about a particular piece by writing the problem out for the recipient and seeing it in a different light as they jotted the note out.  One example I can give is with John Steinbeck who would write a couple of letters each morning before beginning work on his stories.  He said it opened up his mind to the writing process and got the juices flowing.  I think this is another reason I have decided to start writing letters.  Unlike many people out there who can sit down in front of a computer and start bashing at the keys and get a rough draft of a story idea I have to write all my ideas, beginnings, and rough drafts in long hand in the journal I have with me.  So sitting down to write letters to knock my creative mind awake, sharing with those I write to my dilemmas with my stories will probably be a good thing for me, so if you happen to receive a letter sharing the struggles I am having that particular day, don’t be afraid to grab a sheet of paper and pen and ink back whatever is on your mind.  I would love to share a chain of letters discussing how the world is treating us.

Summer is Ending

You would think that I would have posted more often during the summer months seeing how I didn’t have a busy school schedule and overwhelming amounts of homework, but because I didn’t have anything to push me to stay busy I slacked off instead.  Now I am regretting not staying motivated through the summer months.  I didn’t do half the reading or writing I wanted to do and the only thing I got accomplished was moving to a new apartment.  Talk about laziness.  Sure it’s great to take some time for yourself and relax, but when you sit in front of the t.v. for too many hours, staring into the screen knowing you should be doing something productive and just feel too lazy to do it, you just know your not going to have a great feeling about yourself when the summer comes to an end.  And that is how I am feeling today.

Sure I still have a couple of weeks before school starts, but I am nowhere near where I was hoping I would be on my summer to do list.  I wanted to read at least four books, but only have read two since classes ended in mid-July and I wanted to get  a stronger draft written of one of my stories I have been working on for the last year, but did I do it, no.  Instead I kept saying I would work on it later in the day or week and now I am looking at two weeks of regret ahead of me.

Not that I wasted the whole summer, like I said earlier, my wife and I moved to a bigger and better apartment and I have spent great quality time with her as well, so not all is lost, but for personal growth and enlightenment I may have missed the boat.

So am I disappointed that the summer is almost over, no.  I am actually looking forward to starting classes again.  I love getting my mind all jam-packed with knowledge and if I could continue to go after I graduate this year I would, but that is a year off and who knows what will be happening then.

I better get busy if I want to finish the book I’m reading now and work on my story.  Enjoy the end of your summer and make sure you keep the dream alive.

Memories of Grandpa

This evening I was going through the contacts on my phone and ran across my grandpa’s phone number.  I haven’t had the, I guess you could call it nerve, to remove him from my contact list since he passed this past November.  I know he’s still gone and won’t be there when I go back to visit my grandma, but I can’t bring myself to delete his number.  I feel as if I do wipe it out he will be gone and my memories with it.  I know this isn’t true, but right now that’s how I feel.  I can’t bear to lose the memories he gave me growing up and the lessons he taught me being the great man he was.

Seeing his number and remembering my grandpa got me thinking about the last day I actually talked to him and how wonderful of a day it was.  I had gone back home to run a 5k race with my brother.  I had decided to go a day early so we could go out to my grandparents to visit them for the day.  It was a beautiful fall day with plenty of sunshine and the right amount of warmth to keep you outside as long as possible.  My brother brought his whole family and we were enjoyed a great deal of catching up.  As usual my grandpa asked how everything was going for me and wife back in Chicago, he was always interested in the things we did in Chicago and if we still enjoyed living in the big city.  We sat and talked for a long time about my life in Chicago and after a while we started talking about his new camera he had gotten a little while back and how he was enjoying taking photos of the birds and fields behind their house.

One thing about my grandpa is he could talk forever about the things he loved and the hobbies he loved to do.  After talking about the camera and photos he had taken the family decided to head out to the yard so the kids could play and the adults could enjoy the great evening.  As we stood in the back yard watching the kids run around and take a hay ride the conversation slowed down and we all just stood there taking in the beauty of the moment.  Sure we would start every so often with some small bit of conversation, but for the most part we watched the sun slowly dip behind the trees and enjoyed the presence of our loving family.

This memory of the last conversation and visit with my grandfather will always be part of the many memories I have a great man and  I will always cherish even the small things he taught me through the years.  And for this I cannot bring myself to erase the number I had to be able to get a hold of him whenever I needed.

Summer Slacking

Here I sit typing out a new post, procrastinating and not working on my essay that is due this next week.  Sure I love to write, but I really don’t find essays to be much fun.  The thing is, all I have to do is get through two more classes this week and I’m done for the summer.  So if my mind would get going on what I need to write rather than what I want to write, I would be in a much better place right now.  But what I would rather be doing today is walking through the wonderful city of Chicago taking in this beautiful day, but instead I am sitting at my desk hoping my essay will write itself as I daydream looking out the window.

One thing I am excited about for my summer break is the move of our household.  Me and the misses are finally moving from our little dump of an apartment and getting a bigger that will be more comfortable when we have overnight guests.  Plus the neighborhood is much more enjoyable than the one we were in now.  The thing I’m worried about though is the fact my wife wants to paint the new place and I hate to paint.  Hopefully she’ll find a friend to help her instead of me.

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter.  That’s right, I can see the last semester and I am getting excited.  After my short summer break I’ll have two more semesters before the day I have been waiting for comes along.  By this time next year I will finally be a college grad holding a piece of paper proving it.  I am really looking forward to that day.

I guess if I want to pass this summer course so I don’t have to retake it and extend my college career I should get working on my essay.  I hope to get my booty in gear and post on this little blog of mine more often, but with the weather great outside and work to be done for my class, I just haven’t felt the urge to share with you all.  To this I say sorry, but I plan on letting you know how our move goes and what lies ahead as my college career winds down this year.

Until the next post, keep your eyes on the words and your mind free of clutter.

Final Two Weeks

Yes I am still alive and here; I’m just overwhelmed with school work and with the ending of my semester.  Two weeks left and I’ll be able to relax for a bit. (Just two weeks though because I decided to take a summer course).  I have two papers due in the next two weeks, more entries on my story I have been working on this semester and I have to clean up another story to submit and to hopefully get published for my publishing class.  The next two weeks are going to be great.

Something I realized this semester is taking a class on the Holocaust and Apartheid on the same day can really make a person depressed.  Thursdays are my nemesis this semester and I am looking forward to being done with these classes.  Don’t get me wrong, I am taking away quite a bit from these courses and learning about them in a way that has been interesting; I just don’t think anyone should take both of these classes in the same day.  I am definitely looking at these incidents, (I know that isn’t a strong enough word, but I am struggling to find the right one right now), with a more in-depth knowledge of what happened to so many people by such a small group of hating individuals.  I also realized how much the two incidents had in common and how much one was influenced by the other.  They were tragedies no one should have gone through, but because of a hate so many had to suffer.

Now, I would love to tell you this semester was one of my best, but I cannot lie so I won’t say anything about how I feeling until my grades are in.  What I will tell you though is that I am glad the semester is almost done.  Another thing that has helped me keep my spirits up is the fact that I have one more year left and I will be graduating.  Yes, 18 years after graduating from high school I will be finally getting my BA.  So over the next year I will be trying to make sure I pass all my courses and figuring out what a person with a BA in Fiction Writing can do in the real world.  It should be interesting.

Well I better get back to all the homework I have to finish up for this week and hopefully in a couple of weeks I will be letting you know how my teachers thought I did this semester.  Until then, keep your eyes open and your mind free and let the world give you something to see.

Final Stretch

It’s the final stretch to the semester.  Sure there’s still 6 weeks, but this is when things start getting serious and overwhelming.  I can honestly tell you the stress is starting to get to me.  I don’t know why I let the end of semester rush get to me the way I do because it’s not like I don’t know it’s coming.  I think it’s because I just keep putting things off because I think I have more time than I do and then it’s too late for me to really put a bunch of effort into all my projects and just hustle through the ones I can do.

So do I procrastinate?  Of course I am and I really don’t know any other way of doing things.  Am I going to get all the work I need to get done finished?  Yes, because I’ll pull the all nighters when needed and be an irritable monster during that period, but I will get it done.  So you probably won’t hear from me too much over the next few weeks, but don’t you fear, you will definitely hear about how this fun time I’m about to have went when I am able to blog it for you.

Well, seeing how I need to do work rather than blog about how I feel and what I’m going through, I better get back to work.  Until the next time you hear from me; keep your eyes on the prize and your dreams alive.

Struggling

I know we all have days when you’re just not sure if you’ve made the right choice and have been following the wrong dream and I also know it’s part of being human.  We always question the path laid out in front of us and wonder if you’ve wasted the past few years struggling to finish homework, deadlines and life in general.  As you’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted anything in a while because of this reason.  I’ve been questioning everything lately, wondering if it’s all worth the hassle of going to class, getting good grades and meeting deadlines.  This is what happens when you start nitpicking the small things going on in your life.  Every step I have taken recently I have questioned.  Every word said or written I look long and hard at to make sure it’s the right one.  It’s driving me crazy and squashing my drive.

I used to love to sit at my desk and begin writing in my notepad anything and everything that came to my mind.  Now I sit and stare at a blank page for hours waiting for something, anything to make my hand scribble across the blank page.  Instead I step away from my desk frustrated and irritated that my joy for writing is slipping away.  I know it’s a mental block keeping me from writing what is in my head, but the once free-flowing words I played with so often have dried up and left me wondering if I am a writer or not.

I know it’s just a matter of letting myself relax and wait for the words to come and they will continue again, but what if they don’t.  What if the last 3 years of my life were wasted in classes that aren’t going to help me?  What if I am stuck where I am, with a memory of a dream once had and a degree with no meaning for my future?

I’m hoping with spring break starting next week that the rest will help me refocus and re-energize my mind for the final push to the end of my junior year.  If not I don’t want to think about where my mental state will be.

Until my next post.  Enjoy the days full of happiness and follow the dreams you never knew were obtainable, you never know what will happen if you let yourself just believe.

‘

Information

The students of one of my classes this semester have made me realize how much has changed from when I was in my early 20s.  I’m 15 years removed from that age of innocence.  Trying to feel like you know everything going on around you and feeling you have the world by its tail and can have whatever you want.  Those days were great, and I do kind of miss that feeling of naivety to what is really going on, but at the same time, I’m glad I don’t have to feel lost when things start changing because I wasn’t ready for it.  I know I still don’t know everything like I used to think I did, but I have a better understanding of what I don’t know and am okay with allowing myself the freedom of not having to know everything.

Back to why I feel old.  This past week in my class on Nelson Mandela the discussion turned to how the generation of kids who are in college right now seem to have a better understanding on how to change things in the world and have more knowledge of the issues changing things  throughout all nations.  After listening to the kids talk about why they don’t think their parents get what is going on and why they feel their generation will make the right choices to make the world a better place, I decided to bring up the fact that what does help them with knowing what is going on has a lot to do with the access to the information.  Sure they try to do a lot with said information, but it’s not like generations before them did nothing when there were big issues to be discussed.  I reminded them that the internet wasn’t as widely used and accessible as it is now and that many schools didn’t get into the current events as much as they do now.  Yes I know schools did try to educate the students, but the information wasn’t always so up to date as it is now.  Look at how easy it is to keep track of what is going on in Egypt with your cell phone.  Twitter updates, streaming news and blogs are all available in a handheld device you use daily to keep in contact with your friends.  Honestly, I didn’t have a computer of my own until I was in my mid 20s and I still didn’t use it for much more than checking e-mail.

I am not saying kids these days have it easier and aren’t doing their part to help shape the future, but I want them to realize they aren’t the first to protest what is going on around the world and that they won’t be the last.  I Don’t want them to be satisfied with saying they know what’s going on and sent a message of support and thinking that is enough to say you’re involved.  In another 15 years college age kids will be saying how much more they are doing to help those that need it and are more aware of what’s going on because they seem to take action.  They’ll be saying how their parents didn’t seem to do anything to really make a difference and so on.  It’s a vicious cycle of young minds not realizing what generations before them did to shape the world the way it is now.  They need to understand their ambitions will change and concerns will be different once they have a career and family pulling them in different directions and they will no longer have the time to put in helping overturn governments in foreign lands or to protest the most recent war America is in.  I’m not saying they should stop doing those things to help the world, but they need to understand that sometimes the choice to be heard isn’t always the best choice to be made.

Listening to the kids in my class discuss this stuff about their generation and how generations before them didn’t do as much, coupled with me bringing up the fact that it has been 15 years since I was 20 made me feel old, it almost made me feel like an adult.  This stuff has been on my mind since the class and made me think about what it was like when I was their age and that is why I am feeling old this week, that and the fact of how I wake up stiff as a board every morning with creaking joints.

That’s all I want to say on this subject.  So until next time, keep reading the pages laid in front of you and discover the world swirling around in your head waiting to be shared.

Searching

Do you ever wonder what you’re supposed to do with your life?  I know most people think about this when they’re in their late teens and early twenties, but I am still trying to figure it out at 35.  As many of you know I am taking a class on publishing this semester hoping it will help me figure out this question I have about my future.  The problem is it has made me rethink things.  Going into this class I was thinking I wanted to try my hand at starting a small press or independent literary magazine, but within the first three classes I have found that idea might have to change slightly and now I am lost again in what to do in the future.

The reason I have been pondering my future this morning is because of last night’s class.  We had two individuals come in to talk about literary magazines and publishing and it made me realize that I am going to have to figure out a way to have more than one job if I want to create my own magazine.  I’m not saying I won’t look into pursuing my dream because it will be a lot of work, but it made me realize I am going to have to do some things I don’t necessarily want to do.  I realized I might have to bite the bullet and look into teaching.  I’m not saying it would be horrible to teach writing, but if you have read any of my past few posts about my last semester you know how much I struggled with tutoring.  This is why I am not sure if I could be a teacher, but at the same time I want to share my passion of writing so maybe creating a independent magazine and teaching would be the way for me to do just that.

You know, one thing I have learned the last few years while I have been in school is that there really isn’t any limitations to what you want to do as long as you put the work in and what’s crazy is how I can see myself doing these things I want to do.  Their no longer a dream or thought, I actually feel like these things are going to happen as long as I continue to pursue them.

This is a great feeling after all these years of trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.  It’s a relief to know that I have a target to aim at and with a little more work I can achieve what I have set out to attain.  I do believe this is the semester that will take me to where I hope to be and I hope to bring you more posts about what questions I have had about myself I have been able to overcome.

If you are wondering what the people who came to speak to us do, here are the links to their sites.

Jacob Knabb-Editor in chief of Another Chicago Magazine This is a great local independent magazine here in Chicago who have been around for 33 years.

Susan Harris-Editor of Words Without Borders. and supervisor of Tri-quarterly online. Words Without Borders is a magazine dedicated to publishing pieces that have been translated to English from over 80 different languages.  It’s an amazing site to find writers from around the world that bring the flavor of their heritage to the page.  Tri-quarterly is a magazine published by Northwestern University and edited by graduate students in the Creative Writing program.

I highly recommend you check these sites out.  I have found them to be a great way to find new authors and to read great stories.