Struggling

I know we all have days when you’re just not sure if you’ve made the right choice and have been following the wrong dream and I also know it’s part of being human.  We always question the path laid out in front of us and wonder if you’ve wasted the past few years struggling to finish homework, deadlines and life in general.  As you’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted anything in a while because of this reason.  I’ve been questioning everything lately, wondering if it’s all worth the hassle of going to class, getting good grades and meeting deadlines.  This is what happens when you start nitpicking the small things going on in your life.  Every step I have taken recently I have questioned.  Every word said or written I look long and hard at to make sure it’s the right one.  It’s driving me crazy and squashing my drive.

I used to love to sit at my desk and begin writing in my notepad anything and everything that came to my mind.  Now I sit and stare at a blank page for hours waiting for something, anything to make my hand scribble across the blank page.  Instead I step away from my desk frustrated and irritated that my joy for writing is slipping away.  I know it’s a mental block keeping me from writing what is in my head, but the once free-flowing words I played with so often have dried up and left me wondering if I am a writer or not.

I know it’s just a matter of letting myself relax and wait for the words to come and they will continue again, but what if they don’t.  What if the last 3 years of my life were wasted in classes that aren’t going to help me?  What if I am stuck where I am, with a memory of a dream once had and a degree with no meaning for my future?

I’m hoping with spring break starting next week that the rest will help me refocus and re-energize my mind for the final push to the end of my junior year.  If not I don’t want to think about where my mental state will be.

Until my next post.  Enjoy the days full of happiness and follow the dreams you never knew were obtainable, you never know what will happen if you let yourself just believe.

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